Takk for mat (sang)

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Melodi: Gøy på landet

Hvis alle er blitt god og mett
Vi sier velbekomme
Så vil vi røre på oss litt
Menyen er nå omme
Vi takker alle for god mat
Den samkte oss så herlig
om "linjen" måtte lide litt
Så var det ei besværlig
Takk for maten, Velbekomme
Også vandrer vi fra bord
Velbekomme, velbekomme
Synger alle vi kor.

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Velkommen til bordet (sang)

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Melodi: Napoleon med sin hær


Vi ønsker alle sammen
velkommen til vår fest
Og sangen den skal være
til ære for hver gjest
Og nå må alle gjøre
sitt beste - så humøret
kan fylle oss med stemning
Velkommen hit til fest

Så vil vi gjerne takke
hver enkelt at du kom
så intet gikk på skakke
og ingen plass ble tom
Velkommen her til bordet
velkommen små og store
Her er det plass til alle
og her er hjerterom

Ja, vær så god - forsyn dere
kjære, bare spis - 
og gjør deg godt av maten
på ekte nordmannsvis
Så åpner vi for festen
for spill og sang og resten
Vær hjertelig velkommen
og vær så god å spis!

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Great service at the gate

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An award should go to the Ansett Airlines gate attendant in Sydney for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded Ansett flight was cancelled after Ansett's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a longline  of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS." The attendant replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out. " The passenger was unimpressed.

He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear,  "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public  address microphone:

"May I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.

"We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man  glared at the Ansett attendant, gritted his teeth and said "F*** You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too".

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Seats for FA Cup final

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 A man with tickets to the FA Cup FINAL finds his seat and relaxes.

 As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in  the seat next to him. "No", he says. "The seat is empty."

 "This is incredible," says the stranger. "Who in their right mind  would have a seat like this for the FA Cup FINAL and not use it?"

 "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come  with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Cup FINAL  we haven't been to together since we got married in 1947."

 The stranger replies, "Oh...I'm sorry to hear that. That's  terrible.

Couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative, or  even a neighbour to take the seat?"

 "no" replies the man "they're all at the funeral!"

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Hvorfor ikke la være

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Uansett hva du ikke gjør vil noen kritisere det.

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Nyt livet

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Vi anstrenger oss mer for å hjelpe folk til å oppnå en høy alder, enn for å hjelpe dem til å nyte den.

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Paul Harvey

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I tider som dette er det nyttig å huske at det alltid har vært tider som dette.

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Types of people

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There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

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Dalai Lama

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  • When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you might learn something new.
  • Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.
  • Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back and reasons to stay.
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Brendan Shanahan

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Hockey players need to have the strength and power of a football player, the stamina of a marathon runner, and the concentration of a brain surgeon. They need to put all this together while moving at high speeds on a cold and slippery surface standing on blades 1/8 of an inch thick while 5 other guys use clubs to try and kill. 

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It's your life

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Be present. Make love. Make tea. Avoid small talk. Embrace conversation. Buy a plant, water it. Make your bed. Make someone else's bed. Run. Make art. Create. Swim in the ocean. Swin in the rain. Take chances. Ask questions. Make mistakes. Learn. Know your worth. Love fiercely. Forgive quickly. Let go of what doesn't make you happy. Grow.

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Kuan Tzu

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  • Hvis du gir en mann en fisk så får han et måltid, men hvis du lærer en mann å fiske så kan han spise hele livet.
  • De som har kunnskap, kan ikke spå. De som kan spå, har ikke kunnskap.
  • En god leder inspirerer folk til å ha tillit til lederen, en fantastisk leder inspirerer folk til å ha tillit til seg selv.
  • En leder er best når folk knapt vet at han eksisterer, når hans arbeid er gjort, hans mål oppfylt, vil de si: Vi gjorde det selv.
  • For å lede folk, gå bak dem.
  • En reise på tusen mil begynner med et skritt.
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Humans and love

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There is story about the greek gods.

They were bored so they invented human beings,

but they were still bored so they invented love.

Then they wernt bored any longer.

So they decided to try love for themselves.

And finally they invented laughter.... so they could stand it...

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Mark Twain

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The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.

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Martin Luther King Jr

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  • Darkness cannot drive out darkness - Only light can do that.
  • Hate cannot drive out hate - only love can do that.
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Edmund Burke

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The only thing neccessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

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Den siste Istiden

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Begynnelsen på slutten av den siste istiden var for 18-20000 år siden (dvs 16-18000 f.Kr).

Isen dekket hele det som idag er skandinavia, nordsjøen, Storbritania og Irland. Iskanten gikk i sør ved det som i dag er Belgia tvers over nord-europa og Russland. 

For 10-11000 år siden hadde isen smeltet tilbake og ble værende i en lengre periode. Isen dekket da stort sett hele Norge, Sverige og Finland. Det som idag er Norges kyst var akkurat ved iskanten men ikke slik at havet gikk helt til isen - det var en landstripe helt nord og rundt til Kola halvøyen. Det som idag er Storbritania, Irland og Danmark var sør for iskanten men et sammenhengende landområde. Det var en kystlinje mot havet som gikk omtrent fra dagens Newcastle tvers over til vestlandet ved Stad. Dette fordi landet reiste seg etter at isen hadde trukket seg tilbake. Dagens Østersjø var på dette tidspunkt en (inn)sjø.

For 8800-9000 år siden var det nesten ikke is igjen etter den siste istiden - kun noen i dagens nord-Sverige langs Østersjøen. Landområdene Irland, Storbritania, Danmark var fremdeles knyttet sammen, og nordsjøens sjøkant gikk fra midtre England til sørlige Norge. Dette skjedde da ettersom havet steg i tiden etter at isen trakk seg tilbake.

For 7000 år siden er isen helt smeltet og klimaet er varmere i norden og Europa enn det er i dag. De Britiske øyer er da blitt øyer ettersom havet har steget ytterligere, og den engelske kanal finnes. Østersjøen har enda ikke åpning mot Nordsjøen, og Danmark og Sør-Sverige henger fortsatt sammen. Norges kyst er omtrent slik den er idag, mens kysten ved dagens Nederland og Belgia gikk lenger nord enn i dag.

De isbreer vi har i Norge og Skandinavia idag er ikke rester av den siste istid, ettersom alt is har blitt smeltet i perioder som har hatt vesentlig høyere temperaturer enn vi har idag. De isbreer vi har i Norge er resultat av kjølige perioder etter den siste istid.

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Funeral Blues by W. H. Auden

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Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves, 
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

This is the poem used by Matthew (John Hannah) in Four weddings and a funeral when he speaks at the funeral of his gay friend Gareth (Simon Callow). Agreat movie and a great poem for someone missed dearly.

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Noen mennesker klager over at roser har torner, andre gleder seg over at tornene har roser.

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Evelyn Waugh

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He was not a good looser, but he was an experienced one.

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På dypt vann

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Når man er ute på dypt vann er det lurt å holde munnen lukket.

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At the end of the game the king and the pawn ends up in the same box.


I might hate you more, but I'll never love you less 


Work hard and save your money so that when you are old you will be able to buy all the things only the young can enjoy.

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The race

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race01 Once upon a time there was a Red rowing team.   This Red team agreed to hold an annual rowing race with a Green team. Each team would contain 8 men. Both teams worked really hard to get in the best shape. On the day of the first race, both teams were ready to win. race03 The Green team won by 1 mile!


The Red team was crushed in their defeat, but they were determined to win the race next year. So they established a panel of auditors to observe the situation and ascertain if there were any differences between the teams. After several weeks of detailed intelligence gathering, the auditors could find only one difference; the Green team had 7 rowers and 1 captain...   race05 … and the Red team had 7 captains and 1 rower! race06 Un-perplexed by the raw data, upper management showed unexpected wisdom: they hired a consulting company to analyze the data and suggest a solution that would enable the Red team to win next year. After several months the consultants came to  the conclusion that the ratio of captains to rowers was the problem in the Red team. Based on this analysis a solution was proposed: the structure of the Red team has to be changed! Like sharks getting the scent of reorganization blood, upper management wasted no time in restructuring the Red team into 4 Captains, led by 2 Managers, reporting to 1 Senior Director with a dotted line to the rower. Besides that, in a blaze of unrestricted inspiration, they suggested they might be inclined to improve the rower’s working environment by a non-monetary reward and recognition scheme if there was improved performance by the rower. race07race08 The next year, the Green team won by 2 miles....... race09 The Red team upper management immediately fired the rower  based on his unsatisfactory performance.


A bonus was paid to the Captains, Directors, and Managers for the strong leadership and motivation they showed during the preparation phase and as an incentive for them to find a better rower for the next race. The consulting company prepared a new analysis of the restructuring activity, which showed that the strategy was good, the motivation was great, the restructuring was executed correctly, but the tool used (which was not included in the original data) was sub-standard and had to be improved. Currently the Red team management is having a new boat designed; and to demostrate fiscal and HR dexterity for stockholders they also contracted a placement agency to advertise in other countries for a new (temporary, non-direct employee) rower. 

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Scientific formula for making more money

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Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power
Postulate 2: Time is Money

As every engineer knows, Work = Power*Time

Since Knowledge = Power and Time = Money, we have: Work = Knowledge*Money

Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work/Knowledge

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.

Conclusion: The less you Know, the more you Make!

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English is not easy

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Three witches watch three Swatch watches. Which witch watches which swatch watch?

Three switched witches watch three Swatch watch switches. Which switched witch watches which Swatch watch switch?

Three swiss witchbitches, which wished to be switched swiss witchbitches, wish to watch three swiss Swatch watch switches. Which swiss witchbitch which wishes to be a switched swiss witchbitch, wishes to watch which swiss Swatch watch switch?


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Good reasons for drinking at work

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  1. It's an incentive to show up.
  2. It reduces stress.
  3. It leads to more honest communications.
  4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
  5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
  6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
  7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
  8. It encourages carpooling.
  9. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
  10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
  11. It makes fellow employees look better.
  12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
  13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
  14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
  15. Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn't so embarrassing.
  16. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
  17. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
  18. Everyone agrees they work better after they've had a couple of drinks.
  19. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
  20. Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.
  21. It promotes foreign relations with the former Soviet Union.
  22. The janitor's closet will finally have a use.
  23. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
  24. Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross."
  25. Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common language.
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R U intelligent

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Only great minds can read this. This is weird, but interesting!

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too Cna yuo raed tihs?

Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it

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Chinese dictionary

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Dung On Mai Shu   I stepped in excrement 
Ai Wan Tu Bang Yu   Let's sleep together
Ai Bang Mai Ne   I bumped into the coffee table
Ar U Wun Tu   A gay liberation greeting
Chin Tu Fat   You need a face lift
Dum Gai   A stupid person
Gun Pao Der   An ancient Chinese invention
Hu Flung Dung   Which one of you fertilized the field?
Hu Yu Hai Ding   We have reason to believe you are hiding a fugitive
Kum Hia   Approach me
Lao Zi   Not very good
Lin Ching   An illegal execution
Moon Lan Ding   A great achievement of the American space program
Ne Ahn   A lighting fixture used in advertising signs
Shai Gai   A bashful person
Tai Ne Bae Be   A premature infant
Tai Ne Po Ne   A small horse
Ten Ding Ba   Serving drinks to people
Wa Shing Kah   Cleaning an automobile
Wai So Dim   Are you trying to save electricity?
Wai U Shao Ting   There is no reason to raise your voice
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Life After 40

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You know your are growing older when:

  • Everything hurts and what dosent't hurt dosen't work
  • You get winded playing chess
  • Your children begin to look middle aged
  • You begin to outlive enthusiasm
  • Your mind makes contracts your body can'y meet
  • You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions
  • You look forward to a dull evening
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going
  • Your knees buckles and your belt won't
  • You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation
  • Dialing long distance wears you out
  • Your back goes out more than you do
  • You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones
  • You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there
  • The best part of your day is over when your alarm goes off
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Thought for the day

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Life at work is like tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.

Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.

The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

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The Whiskey Story

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Old Smuggler told

Sir William that he saw

Paul Jones take

Lord Calverts daugther

Queen Anne out riding on his

White Horse down to

Royal Castle near

House of Lords and for a

Silver Dollar he laid her on the

Green Carpet with her

Bottom up and tickled her

Old Drum with

Three Feathers and took out his

Johnny Walker which was hard as a

Canadian Club and put it in her

Red Hackle and gave her a shot of

Cream of Kentucky which started

Wilkin's Family

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The Murphy Law

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  • When nothing can possibly go wrong, it will.
  • If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
  • If you try to please everyone, somebody is not going to like it.
  • If you fool around with something long enough, it will eventually break.
  • Whatever you want to do, you have to do something else first.
  • If you explain something so clearly that no one can possibly misunderstand, someone will.
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The stress calendar

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Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Friday Friday Meeting
8 7 6 5 4 3 2
16 15 14 12 11 10 9
23 22 21 20 19 18 17
30 29 28 27 26 25 24
37 36 35 34 33 32 31
  1. All urgent jobs are to be delivered yesterday. With this special calendar you can order it on the 7th and get it back on the 3rd.
  2. Most jobs are to be finished on a friday, therefore there are three fridays in every week.
  3. Six new days in every month is added to manage the panic-jobs at the end of the month.
  4. There are no 1st in the month - and that way we avoid late delivery of last months last minute panic-jobs.
  5. "Blue-monday" is taken away together with none productive saturdays and sundays.
  6. Friday the 13th does not exist.
  7. A new day - meetingday - has been added so that the panic can be kept alive on regular days.
  8. Let other specialists take care of the regular work and other routine jobs, so that you can concentrate on the rush jobs and the creative production.
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The Database

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Everyone knows that a Data Base is a comprehensive collection of libraries of datum arranged through chaining techniques in a hierarcahl network structure of sets and sub-sets such that every sub-set of a set is of a lower rank than the data of the set to which it is logically related relative to the performance of pre-determined particular functions with the concomitant elimination of redundancy & expanded retrieval options facilitated by the hierarchal segment organisations within a Record !

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Who's yer Daddy !

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When someone puts in for Child Support, the proper thing to do is find out who the father is and see why he is not providing support. The following are all replies that have been written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing the father's details. These are genuine excerpts from the forms.

  1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.
  2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.
  3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 360 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.
  4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.
  5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.
  6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.
  7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all black men look the same to me.
  8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time....well I don't have a clue.
  9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.
  10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilised.
  11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.
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People who do lots of work... make lots of mistakes


Les personnes qui travaillent beaucoup font beaucoup d'erreurs


People who do less work... make less mistakes


Les personnes qui travaillent moins font moins d'erreurs


People who do not work... make no mistakes


Les personnes qui ne travaillent pas ne font pas d'erreurs


People who make no mistakes... get promoted


Les personnes qui ne font pas d'erreurs sont promus


That's why some people spend most of their time sending e-mails & playing games at work They need a promotion.


C'est pourquoi les personnes passe mon temps à envoyer des messages & jouer au travail Les personnes veux une promotion


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This week

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 Monday         fun headbangfun_headbangfun_headbangfun_headbangfun_headbang

Tuesday        fun_headbangfun_headbangfun_headbangfun_headbang

Wednesday    fun_headbangfun_headbangfun_headbang

Thursday        fun_headbangfun_headbang

Friday          fun_headbang  ...12.30 fun_trippingfun_glass1fun_trippingfun_trippingfun_glass2fun_tripping

Saturday      fun_drinkingfun_glass2fun_glass3    ...20.00 fun_glass2fun_glass1fun_glass3fun_party ...03.00   fun_glass2fun_glass1fun_glass3fun_glass2fun_dance

Sunday            fun_hangover

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Understanding Engineers

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Take one

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,"Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi George, say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Take Four

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is."

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1 Knowing where to put it $49,999

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

Take Five

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.

Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Take Seven

"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that: " If it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet." -Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

Take Eight

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

Take Nine

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

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