Kategori: Humor

Publisert

Psychiatric obsessions

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young
mothers and their small children.

‘You all have obsessions,’ he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, ‘You are obsessed with eating.

You’ve even named your daughter Candy.’

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: ‘Your obsession is with money.

Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.’

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: ‘Your obsession is alcohol.

This too shows itself in your child’s name, Brandy.’

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little
boy by the hand and whispered, ‘Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what
he’s talking about. Let’s go pick up your sister Fanny from school and
get dinner.

Publisert

Viktige sannheter om å bli gammel

Gammel blir du uansett. Å bli voksen er mer frivillig.

Glem helsekost! Du trenger alle de konserveringsmidler du kan få i deg.

Når du faller, lurer du på hva du kan foreta deg mens du nå en gang er der nede.

Du er i ferd med å bli gammel når du blir like begeistret i en gyngestol som du en gang ble i en berg-og-dalbane.

Det er frustrerende å vite alle svarene når ingen gidder å stille deg alle spørsmålene.

Tiden kan lege alle sår, men noen stor kosmetiker er den ikke.

Visdom kommer med alderen. Av og til kommer alderen helt alene.

Publisert

200 000 ganger

Magrethe fikk trillinger første gang hun ble gravid.

Hun fortalte stolt til hennes blonde venninne og at dette kun skjer hver 200.000 gang.

Da sa blondinen : «Jeg er helt imponert at du fikk tid til å gjøre noe husarbeid!»

Publisert

Flight info

I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. ‘Now,’ she asked me, ‘Has your plane arrived yet?’…

Publisert

Wife

Last year a friend of mine upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it’s a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications.

He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable researcher. No mention of these particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that,

Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initializion where it can monitor all other system activity. He’s finding that some applications such as PokerNigh 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to ruin the system at all, crashing the system when selected ( even though they always worked fine before).

At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLow Beta release.

Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day. The features he’d like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0 include: ?

A ‘Don’t remind me again’ button. ? Minimise button ? An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the opposition to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources. ?

An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode witch would allow the systems hardware probe feature to be much more useful. I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0.

Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You most uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first.

Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should been aware of. Apparently the version of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now.

To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn’t work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another thing that sucks ‘ all versions of Girlfriend continually pop-up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.

BUG WARNING Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistess 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself.

Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claming insufficient resources. BUG WORK-AROUNDS To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0.

Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that affect Wife 1.0. Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.1. via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses witch can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet.