Actual statements from police car videos :
- You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.
- Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They stretch after awhile.
- If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.
- If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.
- Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you’
- You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?
- Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?
- Warning! You want a warning? OK., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket..
- The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?
- Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.
- Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.
- In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.
- How big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?
- No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.
- I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post you r bail.
- You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.