One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the Woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, thinking, "Isn't that obvious?"
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads and if you read this it's likely you also are intelligent.
People who do lots of work... make lots of mistakes
Les personnes qui travaillent beaucoup font beaucoup d'erreurs
People who do less work... make less mistakes
Les personnes qui travaillent moins font moins d'erreurs
People who do not work... make no mistakes
Les personnes qui ne travaillent pas ne font pas d'erreurs
People who make no mistakes... get promoted
Les personnes qui ne font pas d'erreurs sont promus
That's why some people spend most of their time sending e-mails & playing games at work They need a promotion.
C'est pourquoi les personnes passe mon temps à envoyer des messages & jouer au travail Les personnes veux une promotion
Once upon a time there was a Red rowing team. This Red team agreed to hold an annual rowing race with a Green team. Each team would contain 8 men. Both teams worked really hard to get in the best shape. On the day of the first race, both teams were ready to win. The Green team won by 1 mile!
The Red team was crushed in their defeat, but they were determined to win the race next year. So they established a panel of auditors to observe the situation and ascertain if there were any differences between the teams. After several weeks of detailed intelligence gathering, the auditors could find only one difference; the Green team had 7 rowers and 1 captain... … and the Red team had 7 captains and 1 rower! Un-perplexed by the raw data, upper management showed unexpected wisdom: they hired a consulting company to analyze the data and suggest a solution that would enable the Red team to win next year. After several months the consultants came to the conclusion that the ratio of captains to rowers was the problem in the Red team. Based on this analysis a solution was proposed: the structure of the Red team has to be changed! Like sharks getting the scent of reorganization blood, upper management wasted no time in restructuring the Red team into 4 Captains, led by 2 Managers, reporting to 1 Senior Director with a dotted line to the rower. Besides that, in a blaze of unrestricted inspiration, they suggested they might be inclined to improve the rower’s working environment by a non-monetary reward and recognition scheme if there was improved performance by the rower. The next year, the Green team won by 2 miles....... The Red team upper management immediately fired the rower based on his unsatisfactory performance.
A bonus was paid to the Captains, Directors, and Managers for the strong leadership and motivation they showed during the preparation phase and as an incentive for them to find a better rower for the next race. The consulting company prepared a new analysis of the restructuring activity, which showed that the strategy was good, the motivation was great, the restructuring was executed correctly, but the tool used (which was not included in the original data) was sub-standard and had to be improved. Currently the Red team management is having a new boat designed; and to demostrate fiscal and HR dexterity for stockholders they also contracted a placement agency to advertise in other countries for a new (temporary, non-direct employee) rower.
- It's an incentive to show up.
- It reduces stress.
- It leads to more honest communications.
- It reduces complaints about low pay.
- It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
- Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
- It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
- It encourages carpooling.
- Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
- It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
- It makes fellow employees look better.
- It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
- Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
- Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
- Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn't so embarrassing.
- Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
- It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
- Everyone agrees they work better after they've had a couple of drinks.
- Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
- Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.
- It promotes foreign relations with the former Soviet Union.
- The janitor's closet will finally have a use.
- Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
- Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross."
- Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common language.
Only great minds can read this. This is weird, but interesting!
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too Cna yuo raed tihs?
Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it
- When nothing can possibly go wrong, it will.
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- If you try to please everyone, somebody is not going to like it.
- If you fool around with something long enough, it will eventually break.
- Whatever you want to do, you have to do something else first.
- If you explain something so clearly that no one can possibly misunderstand, someone will.
When someone puts in for Child Support, the proper thing to do is find out who the father is and see why he is not providing support. The following are all replies that have been written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing the father's details. These are genuine excerpts from the forms.
- Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.
- I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.
- I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 360 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.
- I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.
- I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.
- I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.
- I do not know who the father of my child was as all black men look the same to me.
- Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time....well I don't have a clue.
- From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.
- So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilised.
- I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.