The Pipe

  1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal centered around the hole.
  2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length.
  3. All pipe is to be of the very best quality, perfectly tubular or pipular.
  4. All acid-proof pipe is to be made of acid-proof metal.
  5. Outer diameter of all pipe must exceed the inner diameter otherwise the hole will be on the outside.
  6. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam, or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.
  7. All pipe is to be supplied without rust, as this can more readily be applied at the jobsite.
  8. All pipe is to be cleared free of any covering such as mud, tar, barnacles, or any form of manure before putting up, otherwise it will make lumps under the paint.
  9. All pipe over 500 feet long must have the words "LONG PIPE" clearly painted on each end so that fitter will know that it is a long pipe.
  10. Pipe over two miles long must also have these words painted in the midlle so that the fitter will not have to walk the full length of the pipe to determine is it is long pipe or not.
  11. All pipe over six inches in diameter is to have the words "LARGE PIPE" painted on it so that the fitter will not use it for small pipe.
  12. All pipe closers are to be open on one end.
  13. All pipe fittings are to be made of the same stuff as the pipe.
  14. No fittings are to be put on pipe unless specified. If you do, straight pipe becomes crooked pipe.
  15. Fittings come in all sorts of sizes and shapes. Be sure to specify the direction you are going when ordering.
  16. Fittings come bolted, welded or screwed - always use screwed. They are best - because all fittings end up screwed anyway.
  17. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts quite separate from the big hole in the middle.
  18. If flanges are to be blank or blind, the big hole in the middle must be filled with metal.