Superman

Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting & wanted to go out & party. He called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club & pickup some girls. Batman said that Robin was ill & he had to look after him.

A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers but Spiderman had a date with Catwoman. As last resort Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to see if she was free.

As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs wide open. Superman thought to himself "I'm faster than a speeding bullet! I can be there, have sex & out again before she knew what happened".

So Superman did his super thing in a split second & flies off happily.Meanwile on the bed, Wonderwoman said "Did you hear anything?", and Invisible Man replied "No! But my ass hurts like hell

Heavan and hell

In Heaven: The cooks are French, The policemen are English, The mechanics are German, The lovers are Italian, The bankers are Swiss.

In Hell: The cooks are English, The policemen are German, The mechanics are French, The lovers are Swiss, The bankers are Italian !

Computer Heavan and hell

In Computer Heaven: The management is from Intel, The design and construction is done by Apple, The marketing is done by Microsoft, IBM provides the support, Gateway determines the pricing.

In Computer Hell: The management is from Apple, Microsoft does design and construction, IBM handles the marketing, The support is from Gateway, Intel sets the price.

Computer's sex

Five reasons to believe computers are female:

  1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
  2. The native language they use to communicate with each other is incomprehensible to everyone else
  3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
  4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
  5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Five reasons to believe computers are male:

  1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless
  2. They are supposed to solve problems, but half the time they are the problem
  3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
  4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
  5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.

Anagrams

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER

DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE : When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE

MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

Never Argue With A Woman

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the Woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, thinking, "Isn't that obvious?"

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads and if you read this it's likely you also are intelligent.

Mistakes

People who do lots of work... make lots of mistakes

 

Les personnes qui travaillent beaucoup font beaucoup d'erreurs

 

People who do less work... make less mistakes

 

Les personnes qui travaillent moins font moins d'erreurs

 

People who do not work... make no mistakes

 

Les personnes qui ne travaillent pas ne font pas d'erreurs

 

People who make no mistakes... get promoted

 

Les personnes qui ne font pas d'erreurs sont promus

 

That's why some people spend most of their time sending e-mails & playing games at work They need a promotion.

 

C'est pourquoi les personnes passe mon temps à envoyer des messages & jouer au travail Les personnes veux une promotion